Following last month’s blog, I’m writing about the loss of one of a pair…and this is where gloves are different from people! A glove on its own is limited by being just one. A person has a job to do to reclaim the parts of themselves which were handed over to the ‘other’.
We finished last time with a question: ‘What can I learn about myself from this other person?’ Someone who has been your ‘other half’, your mate, your ideal, AND also the one you care enough about to get furious with, to feel irritated by when they do simply things differently from you: squeezing the toothpaste tube, stacking the dishes…
Sometime we invest the best parts of ourselves in the ideal other, seeing them as clever/capable/beautiful/kind and find ourselves shrunken, lacking in any of the favoured qualities. Losing that person may leave us without those pleasant parts of ourselves, because we have given them all away as solely belonging to the other. We can feel quite empty. It is our job to be honest and reclaim what are really also our own favourable qualities.
It works the other way around too. So all those mean/boring/careless/thoughtless aspects of ourselves which we have gladly got rid of by putting them onto our partners, actually have to be recognised as also being unwanted parts of ourselves. We can only begin the task of working to reduce their influence when we admit to them as missing parts of us.
We may need the help of a trusted friend to help in this work, or someone who sees us with fresh eyes from outside our usual network to help us to become complete as individuals.