I came across this acronym on a useful website www.davidbonham-carter.com
Do you find it hard to ask for what you want? Do you end up feeling ignored and simmering inside, or do you explode with frustration to the wrong person? Would you like a fairer DEAL? This is a handy word to help you remember a way to ask for what you want that is fair to you and the other person.
This is the DEAL:
D Describe the situation or behaviour that bothers you
E Express your feelings and thoughts about it
A Askfor reasonable changes that you feel would help
L Listen & Negotiate for a reasonable solution if possible
Suppose you feel exhausted and resentful because you are doing all the childcare in your household and you would like your partner to help out. It’s best to choose a time when you are both calm and free to talk. Describe the particular situation eg. I’ve been thinking about the arrangements for Saturday night
Express I’ve realised that it will be difficult for me to look after the children then. It’s Sally’s birthday and she’s invited me out for a meal that evening.
Ask Can you go out with your friends on Friday night this week, so I can go out with Sally on Saturday?
Listen to your partner’s reply, then if necessary continue with what you want, offering alternatives as you negotiate e.g. If necessary perhaps we can share the cost of a babysitter? Or a taxi home afterwards for a friend who’ll babysit?